Here is the first scene for you to enjoy!
The Sheriff of Nottingham is taking everything the people have, but Robin Hood and Little John save the
day. Maid Marion, seeing Robin Hood doing such a noble deed, falls in love. Will the Sheriff capture
Robin Hood? Will Robin Hood save Maid Marion? Will Maid Marion save Robin Hood? Can a rough and
tumble Robin Hood and a pampered Maid Marion find happiness together?
day. Maid Marion, seeing Robin Hood doing such a noble deed, falls in love. Will the Sheriff capture
Robin Hood? Will Robin Hood save Maid Marion? Will Maid Marion save Robin Hood? Can a rough and
tumble Robin Hood and a pampered Maid Marion find happiness together?
Robin Hood and Maid Marian
By Karl B. Peterson
Copyright 2007
Karl B. Peterson
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form except for the
inclusion of brief quotations in review, without permission in writing from the author/publisher.
All plays are protected by copyright laws and conventions. It is an infringement of copyright
law to give a performance or reading of any such play or excerpt without prior consent
through PlaysForStage.com. Any performance or reading of the play for an audience
whether the audience pays admission or not, is considered a performance and requires
royalties be paid for that performance.
Cast
Robin Hood, our hero!
Little John, his side kick.
Maid Marian, a beautiful but spoiled young lady with a good heart.
Mother, Maid Marian’s worldly mother.
Nurse, Marian’s man-hungry nurse.
Sheriff of Nottingham, the evil, scheming, social-climbing bad guy.
Nigel, the Sheriff’s sidekick.
Captain of the Guard, the enthusiastic soldier.
Guard, a less enthusiastic guard.
1st Poor Woman, a innocent woman who pays everything she has for taxes. She could be
played by the actor playing Mother.
Poor Girl: daughter of 1st Poor Woman
2nd Poor Woman.
King Richard
Merry Men, Robin Hood’s men, and peasants—they could be played by the other
characters not on stage at the time.
The scenery can best be done with a single set since the scenes change several times. A few
ficus trees on the side and a couple of pillars on either side of center will work fine.
Scene 1
(It’s morning out in the street with the castle wall in the back. A line of poor people upstage
wearing rags wait their turn to pay their taxes to the CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD upstage
left. GUARD stands to the side of him to protect him. Hidden in the line are ROBIN HOOD
and LITTLE JOHN covered with hoods and capes.)
CAPTAIN: Ready to pay your taxes?
1ST POOR WOMAN: I can’t afford to pay my taxes!
CAPTAIN: Even a poor, pathetic peasant like you must have some money.
1ST POOR WOMAN: (Holding out a small bag with a few coins in it.) Here is all the money
left to me in all of the world. I can give you a few coins. (She starts to take out a few coins,
but before she can, the CAPTAIN takes the purse and puts it into the strong box.)
CAPTAIN: Thank you for paying your taxes. Next!
1ST POOR WOMAN: But that’s all the money I have!
CAPTAIN: Not any more! (He laughs.)
POOR GIRL: But what will we do? How will we eat?
CAPTAIN: That’s not my problem, little girl. If you wanted to have money, you shouldn’t
have been born a peasant. Next victim—I mean peasant! (He laughs again. The 1st POOR
WOMAN and her daughter walk away and exit off stage left and the next in line comes to
the CAPTAIN of the GUARD. Enter MAID MARIAN and her NURSE from stage left.)
MARIAN: So this is what it is like outside of the castle! Oh, it is so nice to be out with the
common folk! I get so cooped up inside the castle walls.
NURSE: You shouldn’t be out here, m’lady. I worry about your safety. There might be
roughians and trouble-makers around!
MARIAN: (Giggling.) Really? You think so? That’s kind of exciting!
NURSE: (starting to exit left.) We should get back home right away. You could be in danger!
MARIAN: (not moving.) I could use a little danger. My life is so boring! I’m stuck in that
castle all day! Nothing ever happens.
NURSE: (on MARIAN’S left.) I don’t know about that. There is the Sheriff of Nottingham.
He’s pretty exciting! He’s always coming to the castle to visit you. I think he likes you!
MARIAN: Oh gag! I can’t stand him! He just won’t leave me alone.
(Enter from stage right the SHERIFF OF NOTTINGHAM. He sees MAID MARIAN and
crosses to her, but she doesn’t see him since he is behind her. The NURSE sees him, though.)
NURSE: He’s a good man and he has a high position in the government. Not only that, he
makes lots of money! He’d be quite a catch!
MARIAN: But he’s kind of funny-looking and I hate the way he combs his hair. He’s got
that goofy-looking grin he wears whenever he is around me. He’s always trying to hold my
hand. And to top it all, he isn’t very masculine.
NURSE: (Looking noticeably nervous. She coughs to disguise her saying) Behind you!
MARIAN: Behind? (NURSE nods as inconspicuously as possible.) Oh! Did you say the
Sheriff of Nottingham? Oh, I thought you said the Sheriff of Hampton! The Sheriff of
Hampton is a real loser, but the Sheriff of Nottingham is a man’s man! He’s so handsome
and sophisticated! I can’t wait to see him again! (Turning and seeing the SHERIFF.) Oh!
Fancy meeting you out here in the street! What brings you out here?
SHERIFF: I have been out here looking for you.
MARIAN: You have? How sweet!
SHERIFF: I am concerned about your safety.
MARIAN: You needn’t worry about me.
SHERIFF: There are many hooligans around here.
MARIAN: You think so? Do you see any? Could you point me out some?
SHERIFF: You need to be careful. We have heard that Robin Hood might be about.
MARIAN: Really? Where? I’ve heard so much about him. Robbing the rich to give to the
poor! He’s quite a celebrity! I’d love to see him!
SHERIFF: Don’t get caught up in the all the stories about him. He’s just a common criminal.
I’m going to catch him! And when I do . . . (He takes his finger and pulls it across his neck
and makes a cutting sound.)
MARIAN: Ewwww!
NURSE: That’s disgusting!
SHERIFF: (very dramatic) Leave law enforcement to the professionals. We are used to the
dark underbelly of life! We see things that most of society is afraid to even think about.
Sometimes you feel you are in the middle of a nightmare. You wish you could wakeup and
make it all go away, but you can’t! You know why? Because it’s real life! (In runs NIGEL
from stage right. He crosses to the SHERIFF OF NOTTINGHAM.)
NIGEL: Robin Hood!
SHERIFF: (Almost screaming in fright and spinning around looking for him.) Where?
NIGEL: Down the street and through the courtyard, m’lord! A peasant said he saw Robin
Hood down there just a few minutes ago!
SHERIFF: (To the SOLDIER.) After him! (The SOLDIER all races off stage right. The
SHERIFF OF NOTTINGHAM turns and starts off left.)
MARIAN: Where are you going?
SHERIFF: I have some urgent paperwork to take care of. It’s work, work, work!
MARIAN: Aren’t you going after Robin Hood?
SHERIFF: Gee, I’d really like to, A man of my responsibilities has so many forms to fill out
each day. I’ll stuck at the office all day long. So . . . . (He starts to exit off left again.)
MARIAN: But capturing a notorious villain has to be important too.
SHERIFF: (Stopping.) Well . . . that was one of the things on my to-do list.
MARIAN: He went that-a-way! (She points right, the direction the soldiers ran off.)
SHERIFF: Oh . . . well . . . there’s no time to waste! I must hurry and catch that criminal! I
don’t want him to get away! (He exits right at a rather slow walk.)
MARIAN: (Unenthusiastically) My hero.
NURSE: Yea.
MARIAN: Why can’t I meet a guy who is good-looking? Not to mention brave. Tell me,
what are these people doing here?
NURSE: They are paying their taxes.
MARIAN: Taxes! How exciting. (pause.) Nurse, what are taxes?
NURSE: You’re right. You don’t get out much. The common people pay large amounts of
their hard-earned money to keep the landholders rich.
MARIAN: Landholders? You mean like me?
NURSE: Yes.
MARIAN: I love it! It’s so nice of the peasants to donate money to help me stay rich!
(Pointing to the tax collection going on.) Here! I love to see how the commoners live. Let’s
watch! (They move to the side and watch the following.)
CAPTAIN: Thank you for paying your taxes. Next! (The 2nd POOR WOMAN crosses to
him.) Come on. Give me your money.
2ND POOR WOMAN: But I don’t have any!
CAPTAIN: Of course you have money. You need to pay your taxes!
2ND POOR WOMAN: But I can’t! These are the last few coins I have!
CAPTAIN: Hand them over.
2ND POOR WOMAN: But I must use these last few coins to buy my family food for dinner
tonight. It’s all the money I have in the world!
CAPTAIN: Cry me a river! Guard!
(The NIGEL takes his spear and points it at the POOR WOMAN. She takes her few coins
and gives them to the CAPTAIN.)
2ND POOR WOMAN: Here you go.
CAPTAIN: I knew you would see it my way!
2ND POOR WOMAN: But now my family will starve!
CAPTAIN: But you’ll die happy because you don’t owe any taxes!
2ND POOR WOMAN: But you don’t want to see my family starve, do you?
CAPTAIN: Of course not. Please die after you get home. Dead people smell bad.
2ND POOR WOMAN: (crying) You are a poor, unfeeling person!
CAPTAIN: Correction. I’m unfeeling, but I’m not poor because I have all your money! (He
throws his head back and laughs an evil laugh. The NIGEL laughs too.) Thank you for paying
your taxes. Move along now. Next! (To the NIGEL) I love my job!
(The disguised ROBIN HOOD, who has been standing in line, comes up to the CAPTAIN.)
ROBIN: (In disguise.) I think it is my turn now.
CAPTAIN: Brilliant thinking. You’re next.
ROBIN: No, you’re next! (Removing his coat and standing in a heroic pose.) It is I! Robin
Hood!
CROWD: (in awe) Ohhh!
CAPTAIN: Robin Hood?
ROBIN: Yes! I am here to take all your money and give back to the poor! (The crowd
cheers.)
CAPTAIN: But it is not really my money. It is the government’s.
ROBIN: You are going to hand over the money so I can give every poor person their money
back!
CAPTAIN: Who’s going to make me?
LITTLE JOHN: (Removing his cape and hat) I am.
CAPTAIN: And who are you?
LITTLE JOHN: I am Little John!
CROWD: Whoa!
CAPTAIN: And I am . . . sick of both of you! Now be gone!
ROBIN: We cannot leave until justice has been done.
CAPTAIN: (Standing.) How many more of them are you? Is there anyone else hiding under
a cape?
ROBIN: No, just I, Robin Hood!
LITTLE JOHN: And I, Little John! (The CROWD cheers again.)
CAPTAIN: Everyone! Quit doing that! (To ROBIN) I’ll have you know that you are dealing
with the business of the crown! No one messes with the crown because when he does, he
gets the full force of the law! No criminal is safe when the crown is hunting you! You and
your friend will not walk away from here alive. I can promise you that! (Crossing back.)
Guard, seize them!
(ROBIN draws his sword and does some fancy sword moves. The NIGEL just drops spear
and puts his hands up.)
CAPTAIN: Aren’t you going to protect the tax money?
NIGEL: No.
CAPTAIN: Why not?
NIGEL: He scares me.
CAPTAIN: But this man—
ROBIN: Robin Hood!
LITTLE JOHN: (Picking up the spears.) And Little John! (The CROWD cheers once again.)
CAPTAIN: I told you all to stop doing that! These men are committing a crime!
NIGEL: I didn’t see any crime.
CAPTAIN: You disgust me! I’ll have to take care of this myself! (Draws his sword. ROBIN
HOOD fights him for a few moments and disarms him. He pulls the CAPTAIN’S hat down
over his eyes and pushes him into the NIGEL they both stumble around for a moment.
ROBIN HOOD turns to escape and bumps into MAID MARIAN.)
ROBIN: Oh, excuse me!
MARIAN: Don’t hurt me!
ROBIN: How could I hurt someone so beautiful?
NURSE: (thinking he was speaking to her) You’re not so bad yourself, handsome!
ROBIN: Who are you?
NURSE: I’m Maid Marian’s nurse.
ROBIN: I meant her.
NURSE: Oh.
MARIAN: I’m Maid Marian.
ROBIN: Maid Marian? A beautiful name for a beautiful woman.
MARIAN: (flustered) Oh! Thank you, Robin Hood!
ROBIN: Don’t mention it. I hope I will bump into you again sometime!
MARIAN: It would be my pleasure! (ROBIN HOOD and LITTLE JOHN escape left. The
CAPTAIN and the NIGEL recover in time to see them leave. They exit off running after
them. MAID MARIAN and the NURSE watch them leave. They both have big smiles on
their faces. It is clear they are both infatuated. Then, the SHERIFF and NIGEL enter rather
slowly from right. The SHERIFF sees that MAID MARIAN there, and he immediately does
an elaborate sword routine.)
SHERIFF: Is Robin Hood still here? If he is, he doesn’t have long to live. I will slice him into
little bite-sized pieces to make it easier for the crows to feast on his body! (Crossing to her.)
Oh, Maid Marian! Are you alright?
MARIAN: I’m fine.
SHERIFF: I’m so glad to hear that. The thought of that criminal Robin Hood harming just
one hair on that gorgeous head of yours just sends me into a frenzy! (He takes her hand.) He
didn’t hurt your fingers, did he?
MARIAN: No.
SHERIFF: Did he hurt your hand?
MARIAN: No.
SHERIFF: Is your wrist harmed in any way?
MARIAN: No.
SHERIFF: How about your forearm?
MARIAN: (Pulling her arm away from him.) I am perfectly fine.
SHERIFF: Are you sure? If you have an owie, I would gladly kiss it better!
MARIAN: (Moving away from him.) I’m perfectly fine.
SHERIFF: You’ve been through a traumatic experience. Maybe you just need someone to
hold you until you feel better.
MARIAN: No, thank you.
SHERIFF: I’m always here for you.
MARIAN: I’ll remember that.
NURSE: My wrist is got a little scratch on it right here. Or better yet. I think he bumped my
lip. (pointing to her lip.) if you want to lay one on right about—
SHERIFF: (Turning to MAID MARIAN.) After seeing that thief Robin Hood steal the
crown’s taxes and putting everyone’s life in danger, do you see why a woman of your
refinement should not be out on the street? Maybe next time you want to leave the castle, we
can always go out together. (He crosses to her.) I can protect you.
MARIAN: So that was Robin Hood?
SHERIFF: Yes.
MARIAN: Does he steal the tax money often?
SHERIFF: He’s always running away with the taxes we work so hard to collect.
MARIAN: And you haven’t caught him yet?
SHERIFF: Not yet. We are still trying—
MARIAN: And what does he do with the money?
SHERIFF: He says he gives it to the poor.
MARIAN: Oh, what a nice thing to do!
SHERIFF: But it is against the law! The government needs money to do its job.
MARIAN: Well, there is that.
SHERIFF: You can’t romanticize him. He’s a common criminal. That is why he is called
Robin Hood. He is a hood. They don’t call him Robin Hero or Robin the Magnificent, or
Robin the really-wonderful-guy-who-takes-the-crown’s-taxes-money-and-hands-out-
money-to-the-poor. He’s just Robin Hood. Nothing else.
MARIAN: But Robin Hood sure has a nice ring to it.
SHERIFF: You aren’t in love with him, are you?
MARIAN: Me? In love with him? (Pause.) No, I’m not!
SHERIFF: I’m glad to hear that.
MARIAN: (To Nurse) Do you think he’s attracted to me? Do you think he even noticed
me? I bet he had a lot on his mind with all the fighting and running around. I think he looked
at me more than any one else, but that might have just been my imagination.
NURSE: (Stopping her from getting carried away.) Maid Marian. I think you are drooling.
MARIAN: I’m going to be quiet now.
SHERIFF: (Taking a step towards her.) I was wondering if you would like to come over a
little later and have dinner with me.
MARIAN: I’d like that. I’d like you to tell me all you know about Robin Hood!
SHERIFF: I would like it much more if we talked about you and me.
MARIAN: What about you and me?
SHERIFF: I think you and I could have a future together.
MARIAN: Ahhh, that would be wonderful thing to do . . . some time . . . in the distant future,
but my calendar is really full right now. Right, Nurse?
NURSE: I wasn’t aware of anything going— (MAID MARIAN subtlety kicks her in the
shin.) Ow! Yes, she is booked up! Maid Marian is the busiest person I know.
SHERIFF: (disappointed) Well, if you have some free time—
MARIAN: You’ll be the first person I’ll think of.
SHERIFF: It would be an honor. (Enter NIGEL hurriedly from right. He crosses to the
SHERIFF.)
NIGEL: Sheriff! (The SHERIFF waves him way behind his back as he continues to stare at
MAID MARIAN.) Sheriff!
SHERIFF: Don’t interrupt me. Can’t you see I am flirting with— I mean I’m talking with
Maid Marion?
NIGEL: I beg your pardon, sir, but we spotted Robin Hood and Little John heading for the
cross roads!
SHERIFF: That’s very nice. Go capture him.
NIGEL: Don’t you want to be there?
SHERIFF: I would but I don’t want to leave Maid Marion and her nurse unescorted.
MARIAN: Thank you, Sheriff, but I think we will be just fine.
SHERIFF: It is my job to protect all the subjects. Especially young, single, beautiful maidens
like yourself.
NURSE: Oh, thank you!
SHERIFF: I was talking to Maid Marian!
NURSE: Oh.
MARIAN: Maybe the guard here could see us back to our castle. That would leave you free
to capture Robin Hood.
SHERIFF: I suppose that would work. (Suddenly with lots of bravado.) Nigel, escort Maid
Marian and her nurse back to their castle. I must hurry and capture Robin Hood! (He does
another big flourish with his sword.) I just hope I can control myself and not slice him into itty-
bitty pieces before I have a chance to question him! Good-bye Maid Marion. I must rush
and capture Robin Hood! (He starts to run for a step or two and then he walks slowly off in
no great hurry.)
NIGEL: Let’s get you home. (Exit left the NIGEL, MAID MARIAN, and the NURSE.)
BLACKOUT
By Karl B. Peterson
Copyright 2007
Karl B. Peterson
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form except for the
inclusion of brief quotations in review, without permission in writing from the author/publisher.
All plays are protected by copyright laws and conventions. It is an infringement of copyright
law to give a performance or reading of any such play or excerpt without prior consent
through PlaysForStage.com. Any performance or reading of the play for an audience
whether the audience pays admission or not, is considered a performance and requires
royalties be paid for that performance.
Cast
Robin Hood, our hero!
Little John, his side kick.
Maid Marian, a beautiful but spoiled young lady with a good heart.
Mother, Maid Marian’s worldly mother.
Nurse, Marian’s man-hungry nurse.
Sheriff of Nottingham, the evil, scheming, social-climbing bad guy.
Nigel, the Sheriff’s sidekick.
Captain of the Guard, the enthusiastic soldier.
Guard, a less enthusiastic guard.
1st Poor Woman, a innocent woman who pays everything she has for taxes. She could be
played by the actor playing Mother.
Poor Girl: daughter of 1st Poor Woman
2nd Poor Woman.
King Richard
Merry Men, Robin Hood’s men, and peasants—they could be played by the other
characters not on stage at the time.
The scenery can best be done with a single set since the scenes change several times. A few
ficus trees on the side and a couple of pillars on either side of center will work fine.
Scene 1
(It’s morning out in the street with the castle wall in the back. A line of poor people upstage
wearing rags wait their turn to pay their taxes to the CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD upstage
left. GUARD stands to the side of him to protect him. Hidden in the line are ROBIN HOOD
and LITTLE JOHN covered with hoods and capes.)
CAPTAIN: Ready to pay your taxes?
1ST POOR WOMAN: I can’t afford to pay my taxes!
CAPTAIN: Even a poor, pathetic peasant like you must have some money.
1ST POOR WOMAN: (Holding out a small bag with a few coins in it.) Here is all the money
left to me in all of the world. I can give you a few coins. (She starts to take out a few coins,
but before she can, the CAPTAIN takes the purse and puts it into the strong box.)
CAPTAIN: Thank you for paying your taxes. Next!
1ST POOR WOMAN: But that’s all the money I have!
CAPTAIN: Not any more! (He laughs.)
POOR GIRL: But what will we do? How will we eat?
CAPTAIN: That’s not my problem, little girl. If you wanted to have money, you shouldn’t
have been born a peasant. Next victim—I mean peasant! (He laughs again. The 1st POOR
WOMAN and her daughter walk away and exit off stage left and the next in line comes to
the CAPTAIN of the GUARD. Enter MAID MARIAN and her NURSE from stage left.)
MARIAN: So this is what it is like outside of the castle! Oh, it is so nice to be out with the
common folk! I get so cooped up inside the castle walls.
NURSE: You shouldn’t be out here, m’lady. I worry about your safety. There might be
roughians and trouble-makers around!
MARIAN: (Giggling.) Really? You think so? That’s kind of exciting!
NURSE: (starting to exit left.) We should get back home right away. You could be in danger!
MARIAN: (not moving.) I could use a little danger. My life is so boring! I’m stuck in that
castle all day! Nothing ever happens.
NURSE: (on MARIAN’S left.) I don’t know about that. There is the Sheriff of Nottingham.
He’s pretty exciting! He’s always coming to the castle to visit you. I think he likes you!
MARIAN: Oh gag! I can’t stand him! He just won’t leave me alone.
(Enter from stage right the SHERIFF OF NOTTINGHAM. He sees MAID MARIAN and
crosses to her, but she doesn’t see him since he is behind her. The NURSE sees him, though.)
NURSE: He’s a good man and he has a high position in the government. Not only that, he
makes lots of money! He’d be quite a catch!
MARIAN: But he’s kind of funny-looking and I hate the way he combs his hair. He’s got
that goofy-looking grin he wears whenever he is around me. He’s always trying to hold my
hand. And to top it all, he isn’t very masculine.
NURSE: (Looking noticeably nervous. She coughs to disguise her saying) Behind you!
MARIAN: Behind? (NURSE nods as inconspicuously as possible.) Oh! Did you say the
Sheriff of Nottingham? Oh, I thought you said the Sheriff of Hampton! The Sheriff of
Hampton is a real loser, but the Sheriff of Nottingham is a man’s man! He’s so handsome
and sophisticated! I can’t wait to see him again! (Turning and seeing the SHERIFF.) Oh!
Fancy meeting you out here in the street! What brings you out here?
SHERIFF: I have been out here looking for you.
MARIAN: You have? How sweet!
SHERIFF: I am concerned about your safety.
MARIAN: You needn’t worry about me.
SHERIFF: There are many hooligans around here.
MARIAN: You think so? Do you see any? Could you point me out some?
SHERIFF: You need to be careful. We have heard that Robin Hood might be about.
MARIAN: Really? Where? I’ve heard so much about him. Robbing the rich to give to the
poor! He’s quite a celebrity! I’d love to see him!
SHERIFF: Don’t get caught up in the all the stories about him. He’s just a common criminal.
I’m going to catch him! And when I do . . . (He takes his finger and pulls it across his neck
and makes a cutting sound.)
MARIAN: Ewwww!
NURSE: That’s disgusting!
SHERIFF: (very dramatic) Leave law enforcement to the professionals. We are used to the
dark underbelly of life! We see things that most of society is afraid to even think about.
Sometimes you feel you are in the middle of a nightmare. You wish you could wakeup and
make it all go away, but you can’t! You know why? Because it’s real life! (In runs NIGEL
from stage right. He crosses to the SHERIFF OF NOTTINGHAM.)
NIGEL: Robin Hood!
SHERIFF: (Almost screaming in fright and spinning around looking for him.) Where?
NIGEL: Down the street and through the courtyard, m’lord! A peasant said he saw Robin
Hood down there just a few minutes ago!
SHERIFF: (To the SOLDIER.) After him! (The SOLDIER all races off stage right. The
SHERIFF OF NOTTINGHAM turns and starts off left.)
MARIAN: Where are you going?
SHERIFF: I have some urgent paperwork to take care of. It’s work, work, work!
MARIAN: Aren’t you going after Robin Hood?
SHERIFF: Gee, I’d really like to, A man of my responsibilities has so many forms to fill out
each day. I’ll stuck at the office all day long. So . . . . (He starts to exit off left again.)
MARIAN: But capturing a notorious villain has to be important too.
SHERIFF: (Stopping.) Well . . . that was one of the things on my to-do list.
MARIAN: He went that-a-way! (She points right, the direction the soldiers ran off.)
SHERIFF: Oh . . . well . . . there’s no time to waste! I must hurry and catch that criminal! I
don’t want him to get away! (He exits right at a rather slow walk.)
MARIAN: (Unenthusiastically) My hero.
NURSE: Yea.
MARIAN: Why can’t I meet a guy who is good-looking? Not to mention brave. Tell me,
what are these people doing here?
NURSE: They are paying their taxes.
MARIAN: Taxes! How exciting. (pause.) Nurse, what are taxes?
NURSE: You’re right. You don’t get out much. The common people pay large amounts of
their hard-earned money to keep the landholders rich.
MARIAN: Landholders? You mean like me?
NURSE: Yes.
MARIAN: I love it! It’s so nice of the peasants to donate money to help me stay rich!
(Pointing to the tax collection going on.) Here! I love to see how the commoners live. Let’s
watch! (They move to the side and watch the following.)
CAPTAIN: Thank you for paying your taxes. Next! (The 2nd POOR WOMAN crosses to
him.) Come on. Give me your money.
2ND POOR WOMAN: But I don’t have any!
CAPTAIN: Of course you have money. You need to pay your taxes!
2ND POOR WOMAN: But I can’t! These are the last few coins I have!
CAPTAIN: Hand them over.
2ND POOR WOMAN: But I must use these last few coins to buy my family food for dinner
tonight. It’s all the money I have in the world!
CAPTAIN: Cry me a river! Guard!
(The NIGEL takes his spear and points it at the POOR WOMAN. She takes her few coins
and gives them to the CAPTAIN.)
2ND POOR WOMAN: Here you go.
CAPTAIN: I knew you would see it my way!
2ND POOR WOMAN: But now my family will starve!
CAPTAIN: But you’ll die happy because you don’t owe any taxes!
2ND POOR WOMAN: But you don’t want to see my family starve, do you?
CAPTAIN: Of course not. Please die after you get home. Dead people smell bad.
2ND POOR WOMAN: (crying) You are a poor, unfeeling person!
CAPTAIN: Correction. I’m unfeeling, but I’m not poor because I have all your money! (He
throws his head back and laughs an evil laugh. The NIGEL laughs too.) Thank you for paying
your taxes. Move along now. Next! (To the NIGEL) I love my job!
(The disguised ROBIN HOOD, who has been standing in line, comes up to the CAPTAIN.)
ROBIN: (In disguise.) I think it is my turn now.
CAPTAIN: Brilliant thinking. You’re next.
ROBIN: No, you’re next! (Removing his coat and standing in a heroic pose.) It is I! Robin
Hood!
CROWD: (in awe) Ohhh!
CAPTAIN: Robin Hood?
ROBIN: Yes! I am here to take all your money and give back to the poor! (The crowd
cheers.)
CAPTAIN: But it is not really my money. It is the government’s.
ROBIN: You are going to hand over the money so I can give every poor person their money
back!
CAPTAIN: Who’s going to make me?
LITTLE JOHN: (Removing his cape and hat) I am.
CAPTAIN: And who are you?
LITTLE JOHN: I am Little John!
CROWD: Whoa!
CAPTAIN: And I am . . . sick of both of you! Now be gone!
ROBIN: We cannot leave until justice has been done.
CAPTAIN: (Standing.) How many more of them are you? Is there anyone else hiding under
a cape?
ROBIN: No, just I, Robin Hood!
LITTLE JOHN: And I, Little John! (The CROWD cheers again.)
CAPTAIN: Everyone! Quit doing that! (To ROBIN) I’ll have you know that you are dealing
with the business of the crown! No one messes with the crown because when he does, he
gets the full force of the law! No criminal is safe when the crown is hunting you! You and
your friend will not walk away from here alive. I can promise you that! (Crossing back.)
Guard, seize them!
(ROBIN draws his sword and does some fancy sword moves. The NIGEL just drops spear
and puts his hands up.)
CAPTAIN: Aren’t you going to protect the tax money?
NIGEL: No.
CAPTAIN: Why not?
NIGEL: He scares me.
CAPTAIN: But this man—
ROBIN: Robin Hood!
LITTLE JOHN: (Picking up the spears.) And Little John! (The CROWD cheers once again.)
CAPTAIN: I told you all to stop doing that! These men are committing a crime!
NIGEL: I didn’t see any crime.
CAPTAIN: You disgust me! I’ll have to take care of this myself! (Draws his sword. ROBIN
HOOD fights him for a few moments and disarms him. He pulls the CAPTAIN’S hat down
over his eyes and pushes him into the NIGEL they both stumble around for a moment.
ROBIN HOOD turns to escape and bumps into MAID MARIAN.)
ROBIN: Oh, excuse me!
MARIAN: Don’t hurt me!
ROBIN: How could I hurt someone so beautiful?
NURSE: (thinking he was speaking to her) You’re not so bad yourself, handsome!
ROBIN: Who are you?
NURSE: I’m Maid Marian’s nurse.
ROBIN: I meant her.
NURSE: Oh.
MARIAN: I’m Maid Marian.
ROBIN: Maid Marian? A beautiful name for a beautiful woman.
MARIAN: (flustered) Oh! Thank you, Robin Hood!
ROBIN: Don’t mention it. I hope I will bump into you again sometime!
MARIAN: It would be my pleasure! (ROBIN HOOD and LITTLE JOHN escape left. The
CAPTAIN and the NIGEL recover in time to see them leave. They exit off running after
them. MAID MARIAN and the NURSE watch them leave. They both have big smiles on
their faces. It is clear they are both infatuated. Then, the SHERIFF and NIGEL enter rather
slowly from right. The SHERIFF sees that MAID MARIAN there, and he immediately does
an elaborate sword routine.)
SHERIFF: Is Robin Hood still here? If he is, he doesn’t have long to live. I will slice him into
little bite-sized pieces to make it easier for the crows to feast on his body! (Crossing to her.)
Oh, Maid Marian! Are you alright?
MARIAN: I’m fine.
SHERIFF: I’m so glad to hear that. The thought of that criminal Robin Hood harming just
one hair on that gorgeous head of yours just sends me into a frenzy! (He takes her hand.) He
didn’t hurt your fingers, did he?
MARIAN: No.
SHERIFF: Did he hurt your hand?
MARIAN: No.
SHERIFF: Is your wrist harmed in any way?
MARIAN: No.
SHERIFF: How about your forearm?
MARIAN: (Pulling her arm away from him.) I am perfectly fine.
SHERIFF: Are you sure? If you have an owie, I would gladly kiss it better!
MARIAN: (Moving away from him.) I’m perfectly fine.
SHERIFF: You’ve been through a traumatic experience. Maybe you just need someone to
hold you until you feel better.
MARIAN: No, thank you.
SHERIFF: I’m always here for you.
MARIAN: I’ll remember that.
NURSE: My wrist is got a little scratch on it right here. Or better yet. I think he bumped my
lip. (pointing to her lip.) if you want to lay one on right about—
SHERIFF: (Turning to MAID MARIAN.) After seeing that thief Robin Hood steal the
crown’s taxes and putting everyone’s life in danger, do you see why a woman of your
refinement should not be out on the street? Maybe next time you want to leave the castle, we
can always go out together. (He crosses to her.) I can protect you.
MARIAN: So that was Robin Hood?
SHERIFF: Yes.
MARIAN: Does he steal the tax money often?
SHERIFF: He’s always running away with the taxes we work so hard to collect.
MARIAN: And you haven’t caught him yet?
SHERIFF: Not yet. We are still trying—
MARIAN: And what does he do with the money?
SHERIFF: He says he gives it to the poor.
MARIAN: Oh, what a nice thing to do!
SHERIFF: But it is against the law! The government needs money to do its job.
MARIAN: Well, there is that.
SHERIFF: You can’t romanticize him. He’s a common criminal. That is why he is called
Robin Hood. He is a hood. They don’t call him Robin Hero or Robin the Magnificent, or
Robin the really-wonderful-guy-who-takes-the-crown’s-taxes-money-and-hands-out-
money-to-the-poor. He’s just Robin Hood. Nothing else.
MARIAN: But Robin Hood sure has a nice ring to it.
SHERIFF: You aren’t in love with him, are you?
MARIAN: Me? In love with him? (Pause.) No, I’m not!
SHERIFF: I’m glad to hear that.
MARIAN: (To Nurse) Do you think he’s attracted to me? Do you think he even noticed
me? I bet he had a lot on his mind with all the fighting and running around. I think he looked
at me more than any one else, but that might have just been my imagination.
NURSE: (Stopping her from getting carried away.) Maid Marian. I think you are drooling.
MARIAN: I’m going to be quiet now.
SHERIFF: (Taking a step towards her.) I was wondering if you would like to come over a
little later and have dinner with me.
MARIAN: I’d like that. I’d like you to tell me all you know about Robin Hood!
SHERIFF: I would like it much more if we talked about you and me.
MARIAN: What about you and me?
SHERIFF: I think you and I could have a future together.
MARIAN: Ahhh, that would be wonderful thing to do . . . some time . . . in the distant future,
but my calendar is really full right now. Right, Nurse?
NURSE: I wasn’t aware of anything going— (MAID MARIAN subtlety kicks her in the
shin.) Ow! Yes, she is booked up! Maid Marian is the busiest person I know.
SHERIFF: (disappointed) Well, if you have some free time—
MARIAN: You’ll be the first person I’ll think of.
SHERIFF: It would be an honor. (Enter NIGEL hurriedly from right. He crosses to the
SHERIFF.)
NIGEL: Sheriff! (The SHERIFF waves him way behind his back as he continues to stare at
MAID MARIAN.) Sheriff!
SHERIFF: Don’t interrupt me. Can’t you see I am flirting with— I mean I’m talking with
Maid Marion?
NIGEL: I beg your pardon, sir, but we spotted Robin Hood and Little John heading for the
cross roads!
SHERIFF: That’s very nice. Go capture him.
NIGEL: Don’t you want to be there?
SHERIFF: I would but I don’t want to leave Maid Marion and her nurse unescorted.
MARIAN: Thank you, Sheriff, but I think we will be just fine.
SHERIFF: It is my job to protect all the subjects. Especially young, single, beautiful maidens
like yourself.
NURSE: Oh, thank you!
SHERIFF: I was talking to Maid Marian!
NURSE: Oh.
MARIAN: Maybe the guard here could see us back to our castle. That would leave you free
to capture Robin Hood.
SHERIFF: I suppose that would work. (Suddenly with lots of bravado.) Nigel, escort Maid
Marian and her nurse back to their castle. I must hurry and capture Robin Hood! (He does
another big flourish with his sword.) I just hope I can control myself and not slice him into itty-
bitty pieces before I have a chance to question him! Good-bye Maid Marion. I must rush
and capture Robin Hood! (He starts to run for a step or two and then he walks slowly off in
no great hurry.)
NIGEL: Let’s get you home. (Exit left the NIGEL, MAID MARIAN, and the NURSE.)
BLACKOUT
